THE guide to Scotland's lesbian, gay and bisexual scene. Gossip and news and wibble from all over the country. Places to go, parties to crash, and people to meet in the humungous Meet Market.
Pic: Piercings on display with Pride
Venues - what and where
Dun Eideann - scraping the shit
Glaschu - speaking pish
Dun-Dèagh - the mystery of the invisible librarian
Inbhir Nis - ungodly goings on
Moireibh - the hub of the universe
Boxes - the Meet Market!
So where were you on the day? Mmm, recuperating... a lost clubber's dream; remember - scintillating, scorching, simper-muscle deep sounds searing through a roar of undulating torso-sheen crowds at Fire Island torching the innards of the Venue... well!! damp; certainly, being the Vaults, but it was not my lungs I had in mind, an island; undoubtedly, as there were only twelve of us boyz trapped by an £8 door charge and a flash fire of hostile heterosexuals - toted as an event for OUR ONE weekend of the year!! Get it right else yer ass is toast, honey. Uz Gay Boyz Is Gittin' A Might Miffy With Unscrupulous Promoters. No tellin' what a boy might do with an inferno on board, no hard cash in the back o' his jeans and no place tae go!
Actually, scraped my shit together for a Scotrail caffeine fix and Ian's smile, as ever impish, though Blue Moon customers will miss the party boy today. Mr & Mrs Glasgow public definitely on the cheery side of boyz & gals shrieking laldy on our burgeoning Scottish march, though my friend Vicky wiznae supported solely by the float she was on and the swali continued thereafter flowing tides of gals & boyz from beer tent to club tent. Besieging a pop icon occupied some boyz, gals thrived on surround sound torch song karoake, others kept mongoose watch in the main stage area, some slogan shopped "YES I AM" / "BOYS WHO DO BOYS" or were seduced by some salacious cockney blond into pink pound power, the Red Ribbon credit card offered by MNEB. From Universal Church through all things rainbow and pierced to baguette belly, buddies to budweiser were courted, but a bop in the club tent saved all from a barely indulgent Glasgow cloud genie who turned progressively sour at exclusion from grolsch-snogs and sheer clad toti whisper nudging on the dance floor squeeze. Even that leveller of all humanity, Portaloo had upgraded to a palatable outdoor washing facility.
Revelling on, the crowd determined that moment, instinct kicked in, last minute shag-pouts were abandoned, Delmonica's scent raced through the arteries, dance divas ascended tables, chairs, whatever and we all became friends of Frankenfurter. Packing in boyz-heat even convinced this reviewer to join the half monty while fixing on the nearest shiny pecs, hopelessly outsyncing Time Warp. World Cup bar throngs titillated endless thirsty punters weaving through the Cafe Latte - Delmonicas - Polo Lounge toti trawl, until the decision couldn't be avoided... was it to be a Polo Lounging popparty / a Bennets bopdrop, or the camel run back for luscious Luvely / boyz-busting Bent? All were swamped to the nipple piercings with boyz and gals, methinks even the Southerners are developing a taste for Scottish (by head count!!). Trawling home on the 4:30am bus was not a high point, when followed by winter rain and an absence of Sunday LRT until 7am!! Rumplestiltskin arose at 7pm and still had party left in him.
One cannot deny the joy of an Edinburgh peopling its summer with the happy folk from all corners of the globe, and speaking of Joy it seems a sure fire bet for straight boys to score a shag off those modern women who just have to have the gay boyfriend, but 3am is a watershed to reveal us all, body politic rules n'est pas!
Summer at last! You can always tell, can't you? Fat, horrible, ugly people trying to look trendy in shorts and skimpy T-shirts - aargh! Roll on winter when they cover all that barfy white flab back up again. Still, I suppose it does give us a chance to ogle all the pretty young bits of stuff dancing topless in the clubs at the moment. Mind you, it's been quite uncomfortable out on the town some nights, with the clubs packed full of hot, sweaty bodies, especially if you're like me (who is?) and feel a bit hot and sticky under all this hair. Yeah - I know it's my own fault for not conforming to the fashion police, and getting a nice, cool, short, trendy (boring), identikitJanet hairdo, just 'cos I'm melting under my mop!
Now, is it just me, or has this warm weather brought all the arseholes crawling out from the woodwork? Seems like everywhere I go just now, some gurgling, drunken twat latches on to me, trying to engage in some totally incomprehensible load of gibberish! You know the type. They start off with "Y' awlright?", then launch into the usual "How old are youse?/What do you do?/What's your name?/Fancy a blowjob?", stop briefly to draw breath then ask the same crap all over again. Let's face it, these sad bastards are never going to get into anybody's knickers (especially mine) if they're always so fucking pissed they can't even remember somebody's name for more than five minutes! And have you noticed the number of cissies around who wouldn't normally give a shit about football who are currently twittering on and on about the World Cup? BORING! Who cares? Mind you, it was nice to see America getting their best arse-licking since Vietnam by Iran of all people, who well and truly pissed all over them. I'll be glad when it's all over, and the cissies get back to twittering on about their new frocks, hairdos, music, last night's shag, and all the other shite they usually waffle on about. Mind you, I suppose the English FootieJanets will be having a good drool over the very pretty Michael Owen. I'll bet there's a good few who wouldn't mind shagging the arse off HIM!
Pride got a record attendance this year, with ten thousand lesbigays getting their arse down to Glasgow Green for the piss-up. Couldn't help but feel sorry for all those who'd been in the beer tent and had to spend ages queueing to get to the bogs - never learn, do you? As usual, ScotsGay had a stand in the market area (it was the one with all the bits of telephone equipment on it, and don't ask me why 'cos I don't know either) and we had a fair few people coming up to meet Heather, Seumas, CalMac, the Great Bald One and myself. I also got the chance to catch up on the gossip from Dod 'n' Bunty town from all those who'd come down for the day. It's actually amazing just how many Aberdonians have made it over the wire since I've been in Glasgow. The Smirnoff Dance Tent was jumping too, so I'm told, although I didn't actually go for a boogie myself 'cos I'd get slagged rotten for acting like all the disco bunnies! I heard a few moans about the music not being loud enough, but I suppose this was something to do with the noise limit being imposed. Despite this, everyone seemed to have a good time and I suspect the higher-than-expected turnout may have been due to the numbers of people not going to London Pride this year due to the admission charge. For me, the most frustrating thing about this year's Pride was the fact that the prettiest guy there was straight! Bloody marvellous. Oh, and wasn't it amazing to see how houseproud the crowd was, putting all their litter in the bins - imagine the mess that 10,000 breeders would have left.
I had a bit of a moan last month about the price of soft drinks in Penelope's and was pleased (along with a good few others) to see that they're a lot more reasonable now- the power of the press and all that! I thought I was seeing things a couple of weeks ago when DJ Boff came over for a natter with his pet rat on his shoulder - you ever tried having a conversation with a furry animal twitching its gnashers inches away? Bizarre! Penelope's seems to have pretty much taken over from Tin Pans on Tuesday although they still appear to be doing OK on Monday. Which reminds me - DJ Stella has asked me to pass on his apologies for his non-appearance a couple of weeks ago, but he'd had enough of them not paying him on time and has now severed all links with the venue. And I've also been asked to mention that the Friday night JOY bash will not be going ahead 'cos they fucked Alan about too!
At last the much hated curfew has been moved back an hour, to the great delight of bar staff working in other pubs who no longer have the mad dash to get their own pub cleared up, change out of their black and whites into their disco frocks and dash along to Bennets or the Poo before the doors close. Some of the clubs have started giving out pass-outs so you can go from one place to another and then back without having to pay twice. Not that us guest-list blaggers have to pay in the first place!
Didn't get down to the Mr Bear UK competition as planned, but head-bear Doug tells me they hope to have things organised better next year. Anyway, they'll be looking for a lot more entrants next time around, but in the meantime they're still holding their meetings round at the Court Bar. Dates, times and contact stuff in the listings.
Well now, Tony (fuck the poor and kiss Sierra-man's arse) Blair finally allowed the free vote on the age of consent, and we got 16 as predicted. Pretty tame debate really without out favourite bigots of the old days jumping on the religious bandwagon. Don't you just miss all the old, dead farts such as Nick Fairbairn and co.? Quite ironic that we used to have people like old Tricky Nicky spouting fire and brimstone according to Leviticus, yet conveniently neglecting the parts about adulterers being put to death. Predictably, the blue-rinse brigade got their knickers in a twist, quoting some dubious poll showing that the Great British Public believed no change should be made. So what? What's it for to do with them anyway? Let's face it, do we really need the Sun-reading, Blind Date-watching, brain dead proletariat sticking their noses into stuff that doesn't concern them? The great unwashed are generally incapable of forming a rational opinion about anything unaided, and only a fool could seriously claim that their views about us are relevant in the name of Democracy.
Austins are arranging a Christmas party on July 25th. You'll have to excuse me for not sounding too enthusiastic, but I thought the idea of these extemporaneous piss-ups died out back in the 80s. Nil points for originality!
Big box of Smarties to Mr Nash over at the Poo for the current crop of very pretty bits of fluff currently working behind the bar. Here's hoping this current crop last a bit longer than usual as there really is some serious talent on the payroll for a change! And talking of things not lasting for long, it would appear that some of the students have got those nice new advertising frames currently adorning the Poo bogs firmly in their sights as souvenirs. If my own experience of drunken students collecting pub fixtures and fittings is anything to go by, I predict some poor bugger getting landed with the job of Polyfilla-ing in all the holes after the raiding party. You can actually untwist the fittings for these between the prongs of a fork, but we used to get some punters in who'd just lever the whole bloody thing off the wall, along with a few pounds of plaster!
At the moment, the rumour merchants are working overtime regarding the opening of a new gay club that was recently announced. Most of the stories doing the rounds are the usual predictable crap and yet again, ScotsGay can exclusively reveal the truth behind the rumours. Unfortunately, the deal is now off, and the club will definitely NOT be opening. Despite having given the go ahead for the new club, the owners of the building suddenly changed their minds after being made a last minute offer for the premises by the owners of another Glasgow club. This other club is looking for a new venue, as they are currently appealing against the revocatiuon of their drinks licence. Obviously, it would make sense for them to have an alternative venue up and running if the section 31 order is successful. But if the appeal is upheld, then the club may not wish to split their existing trade between two venues. In this event, they have said that they might look at running the new place as a gay club. Given the poor trading history of the new venue, this could prove to be a good option as the projected figures for running it as a gay business compare very favourably with the straight turnover the club was recently achieving. In the meantime there are long faces all around for those concerned, including Stella, who was going to be organising the music and PAs, myself as I'd been asked to manage it, and various others who had been offered jobs. Anyway, something good may yet come out of it all, depending on the outcome of the appeal to the licensing board, but don't hold your breath!!
You know, one of the best things about doing this column is all these people who come up to say how much they like the mag and to give me a pat on the back for not being scared to write stuff that the pubs and clubs don't like! Unfortunately there are a few people who seem to think that I'm going to be annoyed or offended by them talking to me, so they end up apologising for troubling me and so on. Now, I know that my appearance and reputation tends to scare a few people off, but I'm not really all THAT bad, so if anybody wants me to cover anything, just grab hold of me when you see me out on the town and I'll gladly have a chat about forthcoming events, suggestions etc. You can't miss me 'cos I stick out like a sore thumb - just keep a lookout for the long-haired heavy metal nutter in the tatty old bike jacket. I don't bite people's heads off - honest! Well, except for when I get interrupted when I'm out on the prowl for a shag.
Right then, I think that's about it for this month. Complaints, bribes, moans, mucky pictures (that reminds me 'Ms Maher', where's all that Internet porn you promised me?), compliments, indecent suggestions and death threats to the usual address at the back of the mag.
Keep on rockin',
Glasgow Green was host to a fair contingent of Dundonians for what all agree was a brilliant day & night out organised by Pride Scotland. The talent was cracking and I don't just mean main stagers Somerville, Horse and Mizz Dunbar. Local wimmin Vikki and Shelley were evident. Also playing in the Smirnoff Dance Tent in between Stella and a Radio Clyde DJ that none of us Eastcoasters knew was the talented Liberty spinner DJ "BP". So if you were unable to go due to the cancellation of the (dis)organised bus then you missed yourself.
It was of course this very column which first broke the news that Pride Scotland may be interested in a mini event in Dundee. I understand that the matter was taken a little further along with more than a little wine by the committee and one Dundee venue owner. Size as we all know is not always the most important considerarion (shite) and with visitors from Aberdeen and further North as well as some Central Belters this has a chance. The idea of 'safety in numbers' might even bring one or two Dundonians OUT in their home town.
We certainly need something to bring people out in Dundee as the scene's three venues have been rather empty on some nights. Even the inevitable pool tables and table football games have failed to entice people. Could this be due to this little football game going on in Frogland? I'm just waiting for one of the pub owners to come up to me and say "use it or lose it" 'cause that has been traditionally the kiss of death. I for one fear returning to the days of entering Oscars back passage!
Poorly attended also was a benefit evening for Lisa and Jill, the 'Southwest Trains Two' who are campaigning for equal treatment. The door charge of three bucks may have appeared a little steep to some. However the venue Devas which appeared to be trying harder has left broken glass doors unrepaired and both toilets are recommended only for the desperate or those who have nasal blockage.
They seek him here they seek him there but the Sheriff Officers still have not located the Chief Librarian or should it be Chief Blunderer of the Bibliotek. The trail of debt achieved in Dundee would keep a News of the World reporter busy investigating for a month. The gay community awaits with baited breath to see who takes it over and whether oor Karen will try to knock Brenda off her high horse (sorry pedestal!). Devas World Enterprises appear to be expanding with the acquisition of Butch Hostelry The Pillars. The deal will be or perhaps was by the time you read this, met with disbelief by the licensed trade.
It's not only Frank Sinatra whose life terminated recently. The Women's Disco Group has lost the Sinatras pub venue after some years and an apparent change of management policy. Liberty was again begged to save the day which they did with just hours notice apparently. The Wimmin have of course thanked them in the usual style. The next Wimmins Night is in the Galleon on the 11th July.
Had to make do with watching it on Top of the Pops which has harmed my street cred no end. Surprise surprise Dana International didn't quite make it to Dundee or Scotland for that matter! Was she concerned that our weather might have affected those implants? Hopefully she'll have some miming lessons before she does come as the lack of synchronisation reminded me of a ventriloquist I once knew or was it his dummy?
Miss Liberty was letting what's left of her hair down at her 40th Birthday Bash. Was it giving away the free drinks, T shirts and CDs that got her crying, our rendition of Happy Birthday or that she lost out to one of her staff to see who could shag the stripper first? Local singer Blonde and local stripper Mack complimented the party atmosphere which was also experienced by some familiar faces from Glasgay.
So there you have it in Bonnie Dundee. With the students away from the uni we are keen for some fresh meat that's over the legal age and under the pension age... so that excludes wur Editor!!
See ya soon in the City of Discovergay!
A Highland Episcopal bishop has become the latest to give his blessing to gay, lesbian and bisexual lovers as well as homosexual clergy. Bishop Gregor MacGregor of Moray, Ross and Caithness has linked up with the Scottish Primus, the Most Rev. Richard Holloway and the bishop of Brechin, The Right Rev. Neville Chamberlain.
This sort of stance has caused outrage throughout the Anglican Communion and could disrupt a conference to be held in Canterbury starting July 18th. The "Lambeth Conference" is called by the Archbishop of Canterbury every 10 years. Bishop MacGregor et al support a document entitled Statement of Koinonia which claims that homosexuality is morally neutral and can be lived out with beauty, honour, holiness and integrity.
A local lay reader of the church was sacked recently by the bishop for attacking his integrity and his views and also the opinion of the Primus by saying that it (homosexuality) was ungodly. The farmer from North Kessock also said it was the most controversial item on the agenda.
This column is being written on the night that will see the age of consent lowered to 16 in line with heterosexuals. No doubt that will allow many sighs of relief up and down the country, let alone the Highlands, so Bishop MacGregor's comments are well timed.
Other news North:- Reach Out Highlands' new centre at 34 Waterloo Place was officially opened by Roy Kilpatrick of Healthy Gay Scotland and the Scottish Voluntary HIV and AIDS Forum on Friday June 19th. A good crowd turned up, with many others popping in throughout the afternoon and the evening.
Mr Kilpatrick said the Centre was "a new step forward for the Highlands". He also said that "one of the myths of HIV was that it was perceived not to be a problem in rural areas" when interviewed by ScotsGay (the only Scottish GLB publication to send a reporter to this opening). Speaking to Jackie Redding, Manager of R.O.H, about the threat from the upgraded services and new look of the G.U.M clinic at Rangmore, she said that "There is no competition", that R.O.H enjoyed "a good working relationship with the G.U.M" and that it was "good that there is a choice.
Reach Out also hopes to increase its services with a new Hepatitis Clinic run by the Centre's Registered Nurse which will be testing for Hep A, B and C and vaccinating against Hep A and B. The Centre also hopes to restart the helpline which previously was aimed more at gay men and was disbanded due to the lack of calls. However, with more and more calls being received on the Centre's answering service out of hours - on all subjects and from all sexualities, it has been decided to look into a new helpline being set up.
Jackie continued to say that the Centre now employs two full time and five part time staff, with two permanent volunteers. The Centre could do with more volunteers, said Jackie, so if anyone is interested, please get in touch. (See listings).
Two interesting bits of news now. Speaking to an Australian tourist in Nico's recently I was delighted to hear that he had found out where to go to find gay life in the town. He had arrived not knowing where to go or what to do when he spotted and recognised the sign and emblems at R.O.H. (which had literally only been put up a couple of hours earlier that day). He went in and found out the information he needed and proceeded to have a great night at Nico's as a result. Just goes to show the power of an emblem.
The other bit of news I was "tickled pink" to hear was told to me by a local young man who had missed out on reading his latest copy of ScotsGay (and this column) before going on holiday to Rome. It all ended well, though, as much to his surprise (and Calmac's delight) he came across a copy of the issue required whilst in Rome in some establishment that he visited. What can we at ScotsGay say - that really says it all, doesn't it.
Now what else? Oh yes, how can I forget - a van-load of merry folk including a few local celebs all piled into a minibus organised by the newly formed Pride of Moray Firth Social Group and headed off down to this year's Pride. The mood at 7am when we met was slightly tetchy, however the Moray gang turned up on time (a world first) and the mood soon blossomed racing down the A9 screaming our tits off. (Adding to the general amusement were the several bemused garage staff and customers we left in our glittering wake along the way).
Despite arriving at Glasgow Green to dump off stuff prior to the march and then the van "dying" on us and having to hot foot it (pink hair and glitter in evidence) through Glasgow to meet the march at George Square, the rest of the weekend went swimmingly (alcoholically) well. Of course nobody hardly managed to meet anyone else at the designated meeting points, but heh, the weekend was full of dramas including Calmac ending up 3 floors up a scaffolding erection at 3am Sunday morning (but the less said about that the better). Also met the gorg Minerva (Rapunzel!) - nice to see ya sweetie.
Anyway, final bitz 'n' pieces now. Anyone else think the barman in the Aberdeen column in the last issue was cute? I've actually seen him in the flesh before - I went quite weak when he served me my pint. Greetings to "Welshman" who is covering for Gussie. By the way - GUSSIE, WHERE ARE YOU? - phone me soon.
Moray have obviously decided they want to write their own column (exclusive bitches!) so best of luck to Dr Kenniff and Matron Hattie (two folk to write a column?? who does what??) Even Liquid Silk can write on her own (oops sorry Silky xxx)
By the way, wot was our illustrious editor thinking of putting a "Good Gay sex advice 0896 numbers ad" in my column?? (Has Mrs Calmac been complaining again John?)
Anyway, that's all folks, see you around, take care, and for all you 16 year olds out there..... HAVE FUN!!! (safely)
Hi! from the Hub of the Universe. Did you all enjoy Pride, then? We've survived to tell you all the sordid details and pass on all the gossip from this neck of the woods!
We had organised transport to take an assorted (as in "lick-or-sit" all-sorts, Mr. Bassett) bunch from Moray, Nairn and Inverness to the big day out on Glasgow Green, so we swarmed out of our caves and mud huts, rivers and lochs (hi! Calmac) in the wee sma' hoors to head for the Great Metropolis, all rigged out in our finest and cluttered up with various makeup bags, banners and paraphernalia for our stalls. To the disgust of our driver, Charlie Chicken, many of us couldn't seem to last more than ten miles without a "smoko" break (actually just an excuse to check out every possible cottage along the way!), but the merry band finally arrived at Glasgow Green at 11.30am, where the minibus promptly threw a tantrum and refused to go any further! (Bloody Queen!)
So there we were in all our feather boas and glitter mincing across Glasgow, going the opposite way from everyone else on the march! However we met up with the parade in George Square and slipped ourselves into a comfortable gap (just another day!), ending up back where we'd started! Whilst most everyone else was off enjoying the festivities, the good 'Matron' was tethered to a stall dispensing condoms and femadoms to (seemingly) every pre-pubescent and hooker in Glasgow! After the stall collapsed under her weight, she was led wailing to the nearest beer tent and lavishly supplied with 'medicine' to make things better! She ended up in the company of two 'hetero' women, and later (having somehow forgotten the name of her hotel) was picked up by a 'straight' Celtic supporter and finally ended up dossing down in Central Station! Unfortunately for some, after a good night's kip the bitch is fully recovered! (At least that's what Dr. Kenniff says!)
The rest of the gang scattered throughout the various pubs and clubs of Glasgow, and quite a number of hangovers were reported the next day when, after a real queens shopping trip, the weary crew wended their way back North. (At this point an apology to Calmac is in order. We mistakenly assumed that he got his 'tricks' at Loch Ness. Not a bit of it! Apparently, if you want to see his 'Tarzan' routine you need look no further than the nearest scaffolding where, by all accounts, he does it in style!!!) Oh, yes, the minibus started up first time after the rally, and gave no further problems (definitely a 'Priscilla'!).
Apart from our adventures in Glasgow, we had another barbecue at Longmorn on the 20th, which was very well attended, and included a visit from some of our Invernesian buddies and also a rare, but delightful appearance by La Doyenne Tanya and her accomplice Jungle Jane. With the usual monthly bash at 'Jollity' Farm this weekend, it's been quite a hectic June!
Next on the agenda is a Fancy Dress Disco on the 17th July at the Parkhouse Hotel in Elgin, and we believe that Highland Youth Gay Group are having their Second Birthday Party Disco in Inverness on the 24th July. And then, on the 1st August (courtesy of Freddie and Michael), Pride of Moray Firth Social Group are having their main event of the summer, a barbecue and summer party at the fabulous Rothes Glen Hotel, which should go on for at least twenty-four hours, so if anyone out there is interested in joining us for any of these events, please get in touch - the more the merrier, we say!!
Now be good, everybody, and remember, Penilingus (better known as 'Matron Hattie'- licky, licky!) say, "If you don't use a rubber, you're liable to be erased!"
Dr. Kenniff & 'Matron' Hattie
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