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inside io25:

granny spice - the queen of christmas
bump yer gums - fairy lights
glaschu - false inaccurate information?
dun eideann - what's a boy to do?
inbhir nis - melodrama
dun-dèagh - all change
moireibh - tropical
obair dheadhain - 4' wide!
Boxes - the Meet Market!
Venues - what and where


Granny Spice

granny spice

seasons' greetings from the queen of christmas!

Noel is here and Dawn (I want to be a movie star... please!) is up the top of the tree looking for a big well hung French Canadian Lumberjack (or 2) - no chance Dawn!

And what are we getting from Santa? Well, there's the new double-ended dildo which I must report is quite fascinating - but I can't get the speed quite right yet - according to the lovely Dawn I'm so used to the 1300 rpm Hoover that nothing else will suffice... But then how cruel and ugly can a stepmother be at Xmas? Fact is that anything approaching 1300 rpm is more than enough to turn me on which is why I always buy from Hoover!

Madame Sammi went down very well at the international AIDS day event down in the Bear Palace - I use the words "went down" in the best possible taste for as usual she was dressed only in the best and by the best and not like your dear old mother by the "dollar a pound store".

The customers in the Bear Palace were as ever most generous and well should we all be in such a cause that must not be allowed to go out of sight - just because the "Meedja" seem to have forgotten about this medieval scourge still upon us (and for those who've become complacent) still new infections being registered among gay men! Please, please don't forget them ever, just because we're not being hounded and blamed as of a few years ago doesn't mean a) we become complacent in our behaviour or, b) that we forget those less fortunate because they're being kept out of sight and therefore out of most people's minds, especially the younger generation, who despite intensive warnings persist in thinking it only happens to older people... Not so!

Remember, never drop your guard as well as your knickers - always, always insist on a rubber even if he looks like Adonis - has a 10" tadger and tells you he's not promiscuous - men are all liars, since the beginning of time. No rubber - no nookie!

Well enough of my Advent diatribe - to lighter things: Planet Out is refurbished, bright and cheerful again - not too many new faces though - maybe they're all staying at home to save up the Xmas pressie money - let's hope you'll all be out celebrating over the Festive period. By the way check out those sofa colours - Miss Beti had been warned an extra layer of slap was necessary because of the new bright lights - but no-one said anything about those vivid colours - my lipstick was clashing all over the place even when I changed it several times in the pish flap boudoir.

At time of writing Café Kudos had not yet re-opened but I'm told by those who know about those things that big things are promised - I wonder if that means we're getting at last the opportunity to see Phil do his wonderful impression of Carmen Miranda with Campbell carrying him onto the stage astride a large banana! We await with baited breath...

For those of you not attending the Nation's Capital festivities - poor souls - you don't know what you are missing out on. The city is really opening up to Europe with this Winter mini-break and I feel that Edinburgh will soon outdo some European cities with its winter break-time visitors - so get through here.

The lovely Shona of New Gorbals tells me that Desdemona of Court (and cock) fame is back in his own lattie after the archaeologists finished their dig. Rumour has it they were really excavating Lady Hamilton's real bones... The lady Barbara by the way is now servicing pensioners at week-ends as well as slaving over a hot kitchen - is there no end to this woman's talent? I must consult the Strathclyde Park graffiti to find out just who really is the latest man in her life - there have been such a succession this year alone! Truthfully though Barbara just likes to travel and meet people - that's why she always picking up trade on those Lanarkshire night buses!

A word of warning to those of you addicted to cottaging - I'm told certain "thought polis" have been active in recent weeks and putting the frighteners on individuals - remember caution is better than a piece of the trade which probably isn't worth it anyway - we have had enough of a death toll in Central Scotland in recent years from unfortunate individuals ensnared by the Fascisti...

We are approaching our New Parliament - let's hope those bastards don't get themselves elected to power, our history is littered with broken minds and bodies of men and women abused by "Christian souls" who've gained positions of authority in our country. Let's make sure our voices are heard loud calling for action against repression, discrimination and ill-treatment of Gays! Those of us over 60 remember well those martyrs suicided, murdered, beaten up, hounded and lives made generally hell by those who've acted on behalf of "public decency" - it's time to say no more!

I'm looking forward to the après-ski parties at Hillend - and if that don't work I'll maybe just first foot my old haunts in the West to prove to you all that I really do still exist and have not been confined to the mental ward. The bairn's pressie is under the tree - Dawn's is out of the Pawnshop yet again, and BIG Wullie of Waterloo fame says he'll happily service any lonely queen over the Yulelog if you let him know.

Love and Safe Fucks
Beti, Granny Spice


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bump yer gums!

So, cows, who amongst you thinks they are brave enough to take a cheap & disgusting pot at Miss Dawn on the toilet walls of The Poo, but not man enough to scroll a name?? Well let Missy inform you... I have never been that desperate that I would ever consider sitting on Tasty Tom's face & let him do what you sick bastards want him to do, but thank you for the mention!!! To more important issues!!

I feel I have to make comment on my fellow columnist, Minerva's underwear. Yes I say underwear because I have seen them in all their 100% white, un-ironed, cotton glory. At last we have something we can really sink our teeth into (if only) in the shape of Minerva's knickers!! (What a shape)!! Not your average 100% cotton, oh no these come with a very nice chocolate brown colour (No odour) motif, but what do you think the knicker motif is??? Answers on a postcard or toilet wall please. Send your entries c/o ScotsGay!! He is a very busy boy is our Minerva what with the magazine, Sauna, Penelope's P.R. man & service man to his adoring hordes of fans the truth is he doesn't infact have the time to take up a student course (contrary to rumour) although he has been seen hanging around campus in some well dodgy jeans......

Things in general on the scene seem a tad quiet in the run up to Yule Time, however I entered Sadie Frost's to a very warm & pleasant atmosphere last Tuesday evening. The bar was extremely busy with smiling bar staff especially the rather cute (I love to pose) Paul!! He can pose that shape in front of Missy anytime. I was shocked to see Bar Manager Andy minus that bloody awful hat & complete with smile serving drinks to all the eager much starved clientele he regularly receives. Also in the Loo last Thursday I was delighted to see that Muzzz Fishpish had taken ill or was called away on some urgent business leaving DJ Hing Oot & the outrageous Miss Titty Fullcup (we shall have a full report on the scene's very own Titty Titty Fullcup in the next issue) in charge of the 100% Quiz which now boasts a jackpot total of £95.00 (roughly)!! I have to admit I played along with it & was quite embarrassed by the ease of the questions, but didn't stay to the end as I was on a promise with one of the Bar Boyz from Sadie's. You see how easy it is to get the gossip & info I need & then some. "BED THE BOYZ" is Miss Dawn's motto. If I were allowed to print some of the pillow talk I have come across it would be more than Brendan & Craig that would be out on their arses. So the moral of the story is I shall now add a Tuesday & Thursday to my regular night shift round in an attempt at GOSSIP!!!!!!!

Next up is B2. They said it would be worth the wait, but was it or was it just the biggest hyped piece of shit in Clubscene history? I, as always wait until all the huff `n'puff has died down & all the flowers have been returned (!!!) then I go for a wee sniff (Bobby has never minded me doing that). In all honesty it is nice. It's roomy & yes it is new, but where is the different atmosphere & club scene we were promised & have waited for for all these years? I & my boozy buddies were unanimous in two things.... it is nothing like B1 in any aspect & we feel it is geared most definitely towards the Hetro hangers on to all of us Homo boyz & girlz in a secret attempt to free them from us (then again maybe not)!! With all that it is only my view & a few drunken Hetro's so do yourself a favour if you haven't already been go & make up your own minds about it. Was it worth the wait or should we just go back to The Poo & take advantage of The Trophy Room? Although the Room isn't the same without DJ Jon at the decks. Won't you come back Jon & bring that butt of yours with you, Please!!!!!

I took a well earned vacation through to Edinburgh to visit the sick old bird I have known for many a year (no not Lady Lucy) the one & only Beti Hutton (thank god there is only one)!!! Our Beti has been through a few rough times lately. Why only the other night she lost her best fox fur gloves & matching boots in a wee game of cards called Poke-Her (I think)?? Yes you guessed it Lady Lucy was there & is now wearing a lovely ensemble!! We were limited to the establishments we were welcome in as Beti has begun to make her mark on the Burgh scene already. The one hole we were allowed to hold up in was the Stag & Turret. This wee venue has improved tenfold since we last visited & is well worth another visit. Even if the toilets are still a bit on the basic side, which Beti doesn't mind. Talking of toilets I convinced Miss Toilet herself, Beti to take a mid-week cruise away from it all & return to Glasgow complete with pony tail & dark glasses to re-visit a few places she used to be enjoyed in (the bogs). This is what we found: With two exceptions (just) the bogs in & around the gay scene in Glasgow are well below what you would get if you visited Hutton's Fairy Heights. Austin's grey, cold, damp & depressing, The Court are tiny, mis-shaped & plastic, Cafe Lettuce's well you need two things to get to theirs, one is an oxygen mask & the second is a face that fits. I lost count of the amount of stairs & Beti pissed the second one from the top, Sadie's was embarrassing, The Loo ones were leaking which left only two!! The Poo's which as always are special !!! & Beti's all time favourites St. Vincent's. Of all of them these were the cleanest & the friendliest, if you know what I mean??? One final note from Beti & I on this subject of damp & lusty enjoyment!!! Why is it in every pub we were in are the locks on the cubicles always smashed off. They only cost a pound to buy so come on give us Boyz a bit of privacy. Beti returned home happy & content that she can still pull on the worst of them & still afford a wee can of juice at the end of a long (sometimes short) shift. And so with that I took a wander around again in the hope that what we found first time around would still be available, but no. Paul was gone, the boy from St. V's was taken & the Waterloo's were as always filled to capacity, unavailable & still leaking.

Yule Time is here & I have noticed festive going-ON's on the scene. Sadie's were very crafty when it came to the annual (rip off), sorry price increase. Their prices have crept up over the last few weeks in the hope that no one would notice the difference the Christmas punter would have to fork out, but I did & up the prices went. Shame on you Andy & after me thinking your average gay person was getting a decent bit of snog at a good price. (With no turkey a gobbling either)!!!!!

Jo at the Waterloo has come up with a great idea. She has started to collect prezzies for sick children in the hope that we generous Girlz & Boyz will hand in a gift or two, selection box or cuddly toy in order that some child will benefit this Yule Time. Who knows maybe they could get Tom from the Poo or George from the Loo or maybe even Martha from the cafe GLC to dress up as Auntie Santa???? So come on you lot dig a wee bit deeper in order that you run in a gift.

Talking of the Loo good luck to new Bar Handy Woman Alison (that makes two I think). This young nipper has taken over from the last effort & we wish you well. You have taken on a good pub my dear so try not to upset anyone including yourself. We shall try & get Hutton to come in & give you the the thrice over.

Until the next one have a very Cool Yule my dears.





false inaccurate information and total lies!! (not)

Well folks, hardly seems like a whole month since I was last here banging away at the old keyboard in order to get the column ready on time. As usual, it's all a mad rush to grab all the bits of paper together that I've got all my notes written on, and try to put together the definitive guide to all the latest scandal and gossip on the Glasgow scene. I'm actually dead pissed off right now, as I'm sitting here doing this at 8 o'clock on a Saturday morning, after the fucking computer decided to lock up right at the end of my first attempt last night. Didn't Bill Gates parents ever teach him any fucking manners??. "This program has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down". No apology, no "sorry, but yer computer's fucked, switch it off and kiss your words of wisdom goodbye!". Never had any of this shit when I used to submit my copy handwritten, except for a few problems with the SBGO or the BBBO not being able to read my writing when I was a bit pissed!

Suppose I'd better start off by apologising to any of you who agree with my editor, and think I'm being patronising for using the taboo "chicken" word in last months issue. Can't see what the problem is myself, cos I'd be quite happy to be referred to as a chicken, but I think it's a bit late for that!

Hopefully this column should have my long-awaited new piccy adorning the top of it. Been getting a lot of stick about the old one looking like some long haired hippy that belongs in the 70s (and you thought the old one was bad!), with a few of my fans telling me it's about time I got one that looked a bit more like me. Well, actually they've really been telling me to get my hair cut, but bollocks to that! You all know my views on all this image and attitude bullshit, and I'm buggered if I'm gonna look like all you lot!

Right then, let's start off with the Poo this month, and see if I can actually manage two issues in a row without giving them a slagging! I think poor old PooFuhrer Amar is getting a bit paranoid about some of the stick the place has been getting recently, and was asking if I'm going to be tearing the place to shreds in print this issue. Well, you can breathe easy, cos since the changes, there seems to have been a bit of a shift in the door policy, the public actually seem to be getting into the venue now, and I've not been hearing the same old complaints that used to cause me to have a few harsh words to say in print about the place. Of course, I'd love to believe that this was absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Bennets has only recently opened up their second floor! Anyway the Poo is now two years old, having celebrated their second birthday recently, and I was in a few days before, and noticed that they've changed the decor. Very nice too, if you're into that sort of poofy stuff! Amar was also quick to point out that he's finally got the bar stools fixed, which had been missed by quite a few of the PooPunters, myself included. Some of us like a nice bit of solid macho furniture, instead of all the poofy chairs that the Merchant City queens like posing around in. The bar is also due to get moved further back, to make a bit more room for the bar staff to work, so getting served should be a bit easier. But what's happened to all the poofy old staff? You used to be able to tell you were in a gay bar by all the queenie barmen mincing around, but all that's changed since the upheaval a couple of months ago, and I've heard a few people lamenting the departure of some of the prettier members of staff. And finally, the new PooFuhrer was grilling me to find out the true identity of fellow scribbler Dawn Davenport, after she made a few complimentary remarks about him in her last column. Fortunately, my lips are sealed and her secret is safe!

Now then, a lot of you have been wondering what's happening about the Clone Zone shop in Virginia Street. Well, Robin tells me that he's as much in the dark as everyone else, and all that the traders know is that they'll be allowed back some time between February and August next year. In the meantime Clone Zone is operating from one of the shop units in the GGLC. Although it's a bit smaller than their own premises, they've managed to cram it full of all the usual pervy goodies, including a fair selection of kinky clothing, leather accessories and toys of the rubber variety. I've actually heard a few of you sad closets moaning that you've not been able to get your monthly fix of mucky mags, cos you're too scared to be seen buying them in some of the straight newsagents. Well, no need to worry about getting found out anymore, as all the usual titles are now available from the unit in the GGLC. The lease seems to be pretty open-ended in view of the uncertainty about when Clone Zone will get back into their own shop, but I would suspect that the Centre will be happy to have them for as long as possible, due to the extra trade that their presence is bound to bring in.

Been asked by Martha from the GGLC caff to remind you all that they're having a Hogmanay Ceilidh, which should make a change for all of you who don't want to stand queuing outside Bennets or the Poo for ages. Tickets are available from the Centre, and it should be a good night, so I'll be digging out my kilt and joining in the fun!

The Lane finally got its licence after having to reapply twice due to confusion about the actual address of the premises. I attended their hearing at the Licencing Board, along with my editor, to hear the objections being put forward by Centurion. However, neither they, nor their solicitors turned up, and the licence was awarded without any problems. Hopefully, this will be the end of all the silly stories doing the rounds, and The Lane will be able to get on with their business without further interference.

The e-mails and faxes continue to arrive from Centurion threatening me with legal action. For those of you who haven't been following the story, Centurion are none too happy with me for reporting that they were objecting to the licence for The Lane, and also being the first to report that they themselves had a licence application refused. This is currently going to appeal, and as it is quite unusual for this sort of situation to occur, both myself and my Ed will be attending their appeal to bring you the full story. I rather think there may be a few other members of the press present, due to the media interest I've aroused, and the unusual nature of the situation. I don't know the full story behind the reasons for their application being refused, as these will only be revealed at the appeal. However, I can reveal that they applied to change the named person on the licence after Big Derek left, and the application was refused. No doubt some of you will be wondering who that person was, and what the reasons were for the refusal. Watch this space!! Even Big Derek is getting dragged into all this, with Centurion telling him that the matter is now in the hands of their solicitors. Well Derek, they've been threatening me for long enough now, and I'm still waiting for the writ to appear! Not very likely though, only an idiot is gonna try to take me to court for reporting the facts, and I'm not the only one asking why all I keep getting are threats of legal action! Come on Mr McInnes, no more threats, no more talk of solicitors. Minerva wants a writ, otherwise my readers are going to start wondering why all you do is persist in making the same tired old accusations without ever even getting your solicitors to actually detail the misreporting that you accuse me of!

Another date for the festive period is Tuesday the 22nd December, when Penelopes will be holding the gay Xmas party. Stella will be doing a guest spot on the decks, Chris Millar from Austins will be supplying the entertainment, and there will also be a PA by a group called Cowboys and Angels. Tickets are a fiver, but if you go along in fancy dress dragged up as a cowboy or an angel, they'll let you in free!

Had another request for a mention in this column, this time from John, who was giving me a bit of an ear-bending, cos I promised to say hello to him and his mates a few issues ago, and never got around to it. Anyway, hello to LaLa, who's managed to get her name in print a couple of times without shagging any of the columnists (not me anyway) and vinegar tits. Don't know who you are either, and don't blame me for the name, just passing on the message!! Anybody else wanting a mention, please go and pester the arse off Dawn Davenport!

Now then, what's the story on the Bennets guest list?. Been in a couple of times recently, only to find it's been cancelled, and I've actually had to blag my way past the pay desk! Not fair! You can't expect us lot to actually pay to get in! Must have been a right pain for all the staff and customers from Austins, who usually manage to wangle their way onto every guest list going! No wonder they're all out clubbing seven nights a week!

And talking of Austins, bumped into DJ Stella there a few nights ago, looking well tanned after a break in Gran Canaria, and eager to show off the matching his and his engagement rings being worn by him and his intended. Stella getting married, who'd have thought it?. Anyway, he's managed to get his Monday club night sorted out after a few false starts, which should be a welcome change from TinPans. I don't even know if it's still going, cos I don't know anybody who goes there any more. Stella's new night should be starting soon, so watch out for details.

Well, no doubt my Small Bald Ginger Editor will be relieved to see that my column's a bit shorter than usual, due to the computer dying on me, so it saves him having to chop chunx out of it to get it all on the page. Anyway, as usual, any scandal, gossip, groups or meetings you want me to cover or give a mention to, fan club applications, smutty proposals, death threats, writs etc. (on solicitors headed stationery please) should go to the usual fax and phone numbers at the end of the mag, or by e-mail to my usual address.

Merry Christmas and all the usual crap from the Lippy Hippy (don't call me fucking Goldilocks!)
Graham Grierson


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dun eideann

Regular writer Martin Walker has been sick this month… so he's asked me to run down the Edinburgh Scene for you this month. I hope you think I've been kind.

Definition of Nexus: according to my dictionary _ `the centre point'… of what? Nowhere… a Sunday afternoon… a hollow, a vacuum… but then again the Blue Moon simply gets too busy… and Scott is accomodating /attentive /appreciative (Oh, pick one..)

The aforementioned BMC's walls change colours frequently, a moving feast for the colour insensitive , or the "e"-dulled techno crew. Having the best Nachos in town should not be the only objective of a menu, so keep the variety off the walls and on the punters plates please. And the cheery chap of the month award goes to waiter Damian… Long may he reign…

Are we going to see the return of Chapps? YES if Andy and Ray get their way. The former Café Kudos will be receiving a make over very soon and then we shall all be in the dark… For a taster you can try Andy and Ray's New Town Bar. That's if you fancy your men un-new or un-anything really; unkempt, under-dressed - unless you believe black is a colour, myself I have understood it to be the absence of light or colour - unable to take a hint, particularly from leather-Levi dissenters…

For those who choose not to be under beer belly, options are the very friendly French Connection - France is a clue for proximity to the scene; connection, to the spatial dynamics? Could you trust a man who frequents alleyways? Too fusty wi' familiars for mysel', but has a loyal following…MMmm

The Stag and Turret likewise , but with added references to damp green forests? and cold damp castles? Actually the S&T regulars and staff are all lovely… Who'd want to say more…

Planet Out (or Pout to regulars) re-incarnated its décor from pre-war auld gentleman's to post-nappies play school to EuroDisney. But, Lurid lures luscious (en)lightened boyz (some), (de)lightful lipstick girlz (many) & heavier wallets. (cheaper booze for Bud buddies) Dykey-lykey denizens unite here. Go there, Honey! Mmmm…

As for CC Blooms suffice to say there is no alternative? or can we venture... clean air - nil points, lighting - nil points (what you see is not what you get the morning after), décor - nil points, pricing policy - nil points, availability of ScotsGay Magazine _ nil points... BUT, after all there is Peter (temper, temper) Nathan and other beatific bar- persons, all my pals and they always play Cher and Madonna so, what's a boy to do?

Toons for boyz from Super-camp to hopelessly drug-fucked, Edinburgh has them for all comers, but there's at least hope within this café-latte clubber generation to escape our own parodies, reach beyond sexuality typing and be truly GAY, real JOY of the FREEDOM TO PARTY... speaking of Joy, Maggie and Alan evolved us kicking and stomping into our eclectic ownership of the lookit-me-dance posse, we dress up (down??) Tackno (parodies?? Those who can mimic themselves into the superlative and still own the joke, the wonder of Trendy Wendy, Nancy, Suzanne - our unsung {super} heroines).

Or Going Places, this month's Diamonds are Forever theme has every granny guarding her paste-hoard (also, WATCH OUT for fierce small persons wielding over-large equipment... guns, of course... PERVERT). Most laddies, of course will be slavering after our most venerated scotsman lookalikes (Sean erhm, anyone) Girlz will favour any bondette brandishing a pair like hers truly in those skin-licking seventies thingmies ….MMmm. We are DEFIN-I-TELY giving the Tiara to this venue for atmos, it just hovers from floor to floor in the ABC. Luvely is the final complement to the absolutely scrummy dress-up crew, or dress down by 2am, most sporting bare pecs and developing packs glistening us into trance nirvana tumbling bed-clothes…oops, sorry! Taste eradicates all memories of maths-homework Sundays, reminding uz that Sunday is a day of REST, HONEY. You rest on me anytime, O.K. sugar. Ego speaks for its eccentric ego-centric self, throbbing... erhm bits??... for them that care or bikeshed-fagged through the o-level anatomy stuff. Mingin' may graduate in estimation if the venue didn't take itself quite so literally and its bar staff kept their knuckles off the punters. Divine Divas keeping our girlz enthralled, may soon thrill their boy guests, the revolution is upon uz, GO GIRL!

Nigel Chipps
Nigel Chipps also writes about the gay scene for Gay Scotland and Gay Times.
We all hope Martin gets well soon.


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All change on Dundee's busy scene as Devas changes hands. Karen claiming she'll be there in 1999, Charlie and Ian reckoning they'll be in tomorrow and Mizz Liberty keeping a bemused silence which is, you may agree, out of character. We shouldn't be surprised at the delay as the only thing that has ever run smoothly at Devas is the water through the roof

Major changes are planned by Charlie if/when they take over. The scene awaits this promising turn around in the once busy watering hole. Perhaps a new broom is just what is needed as the cheap vodka deals only seem to attract the regular pissheads.

Bar Xs is also in on the cheap booze deals, but that is only from opening time to 10pm for Lager drinkers only. The pound a pint offer does not seem to have attracted any lager louts but Indigo and Mia have been practising downing the `amber nectar' for their much trumpeted departure for Australia - We hear even the bar owner thought they were going for good with so many fond farewells - what a silly Koala!

Dundee Women's Christmas Disco is on Friday 15th in the Westie. Four quid if yer working and two for unwaged; it should be jumpin' as they ain't had one for a while. Look out for the customary legless Dykes at Liberty later on.

It is alleged that we are to have festive fun @ Liberty - so the flyers say. A quick read shows they have a few special nights lined up. No you're not getting a free advert Brian - but Saturday 19th welcomes a tribute group from London doing the Rocky Horror, Time Warp and other butch numbers! Drag act Kevin Peters on Boxing Day and a stripper on the Sunday are guaranteed to get you rigid.

Where did they go to, we asked ourselves! Well we might find out when Ray & Evelyn return with Star Attraction the Wednesday tween Xmas and New Year. Much better than mine host's attempt say my girl friends. 1 might even break with tradition and try out Ray's big one - microphone stupid.

I am looking forward to the rerun of the brilliant foam party on the first Saturday of January. Me and me chums had a great time so we hope the unseasonal date (mid winter - for fucks sake) will not be too cold.

Well that's it in Dundee; as long as I can get in Libs on Chrissy eve and Huggers I'll be polite to them next issue and won't have to go back down to Newcastle.

Yuletide greetings,

Ben Dover

PS. Just heard Dundee is hosting Mr Gay UK in March 1999 - Great News for all Muscle Marys and their admirers!


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inbhir nis

Jingle bells, Santa smells, Minerva's run away. Gussie's lost his knickers (again!) and John Hein thinks he's gay! All together now... Oh well, perhaps not. Hello there, folks. How are you all this month? All getting into the festive spirit are we? Thought not!!

Well, lots to report on so I'll get on with it. Rock The North Youth Concert was held on Friday 27th November. The event, involving several different High Schools in the area and various other parties, was hailed a huge success. There was a capacity crowd in Eden Court to watch and enjoy various bands and acts strut their stuff. Red ribbons were in abundance and worn by all involved. Some excellent acts were seen, including the entry from ROH calling themselves "Melodrama". Although I can't personally say how good we were, many others complimented us on our "Love Changes Everything". In the dressing rooms before hand, there were definitely plenty of dramas! And certainly it wasn't just Love Changes; five sets of underwear were needing changed as well! However, we survived. Thanks to all involved in making the event such a resounding success.

World AIDS Week started well with a Service of Remembrance and Dedication held at the Raigmore Chapel. The very enjoyable and moving service with a few poignant personal readings by one of ROH's directors brought a tear to several eyes - mine included. To lighten things up at the end of the service, a few folk went for a couple of pints and I must admit this impromptu session was one of the most enjoyable and laughter filled outings for a good while.

The Red Ribbon Ceilidh was held in the Station Hotel on Friday 4th December. As usual, this event was one of the largest successes of the year with in excess of 120 folk attending from all over the country. The spirit of the time of year was definitely captured when snow started to fall outside - very romantic and seasonal (mind you, it wasn't so romantic two hours later trudging home in 4 inches of the stuff!).

Several "weel kent" faces were there including Ms Paul Ivison of GS and a surprise celebrity - special guest Siren - of Gladiators fame - real name Alison Paton, who was invited to make the draws in the raffle. Alison was lovely - an Edinburgh lass who has obviously not let fame get to her head, very friendly and down to earth. And guess what? She even had a Safeway ABC Card in her wallet - Scream! Gush! Blush! Curtsey!

Siren is up in the Highland Capital just now for the panto season. Due to a sports injury, she has to wear a big support boot on her right lower leg which is the butt of several gags at her expense in the pantomime this year - also starring "Inverdaroch" from Take The High Road and Titch Mcooey of MFR.

Congratulations to Jackie Redding and all the staff and volunteers at ROH for giving Inverness such a successful and memorable World AIDS Week.

That's all for now, and to all you folks out there: have a cool Yule and see you in 1999. This is Calmac, for ScotsGay, signing off for 1998. Enjoy the pictures.

Luv yas,

Calmac xxx


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Seasons' greettings from tropical Moray! I'm sitting here typing away having just got in from another cold night around Elgin. It's been snowing all day which does nothing to encourage people to come out and play, you see, they would much rather sit in front of the telly warming their feet on the radiator and clutching something hot in their hands. Doesn't sound too had, actually.

The last month has been very quiet in the area... we must have overdone it during November, still we've got the Christmas festivities to look forward to...

The Third Annual Christmas Do at the Rothes Glen Hotel is taking place on the 19th December so no doubt there will he the usual fun, frolicks and next-morning regrets to report on. I believe that the Golden Dildo awards are making an appearance once again. Golden Dildos and the Rothes Glen seem to go hand in hand. It's a very enjoyable night and people come from all over the country especially for it. It's certainly an occasion you don't forget in a hurry! There are three ticket options for the Do: Ticket type one includes a three course meal, party and accommodation, or you can attend the meal and party or just the party, but book early to avoid disappointment. For more information, and the price of the tickets, call the Moray LGB Switchboard on Elgin 541188, Fridays from 7pm - 10pm.

Last nights' karaoke at the Thunderton pub in Elgin was packed. Although a lot of the usual group couldn't make it some of us still managed a song. The next time you pop in and hear someone singing the Worzels' classic `Combine Harvester' or the slightly more sensible Pulp song `Disco 2000' that'll be me, so come over and say Hi!

World Aids Day was acknowleged by Moray College who asked Bobby Russell to attend with his usual stall that contained information and advice as well as the obligatory free condoms, lube and red ribbons. The stall was such a success he was approached by Moray Council to transfer it from the college at the end of the day into Elgin Library so even more of the public had access to it.

So the Pinegrove may be getting a new lease of life, eh? That will he good news if the right people get hold of it. Unfortunately, the `Piner' has something of a bad reputation for hassle etc. even amongst the straight community so, if there is to be an exclusive night for us, then things will have to be done to ensure everyone's happiness. Just don't make it a Thursday night because we're elsewhere! Still it's excellent that we are being considered in these new ventures, and the `Piner' certainly deserves a new start.

How touching it is to read that Moray is such a sought-after place. With all the bickering going on between Gus and Calmac over the writing of the Moray column, anyone would think that they live here! Would either of them be able to remember the last time they were in Moray? (That is, the last time you were in Moray sober, Gussie?) Hmmm, I don't think so! Anyway, thanks to both of you for your concerns, but you needn't worry!

Looking ahead, there'll be the New Year celebrations to look forward to, unless, like me, you're working that night. Then January brings new hope for us all as we start on the final year of this Millenium. Thank goodness. Let's get it over and done with, I say! Anyway, I see that the Easter eggs are out at Woolies now so I think I'll buy mine tomorrow, it's nearly that time of year again. That's all from me for this month, so enjoy yourselves and make the most of every minute!

Dr Kenniff


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obair dheadhain

Happy December everyone, and may all your bits be frozen. Yes, the season of commercialism, much hypocrisy and seeing all those horrible relatives that you only see once a year (thankfully) is almost upon us. Frosty pavements, 80mph winds howling down Union Street and rain that deliberately travels horizontally, so no matter what you try to cover your head with, it still hits you right in the face. I do love winter, honest! I find Christmas shopping to be the worst thing, personally. It's bad enough dodging 4' wide grannies at the best of times, but when they are laden down with Christmas shopping, they become 8' wide, and god help you if you get in the way...

So, what have we got lined up in the Grunnit City then? Well, having just been in touch with oor Col' from Club 2000, he tells me that there's nothing really special planned for the festive period entertainment-wise, however, Christmas Eve and Hogmanay will be ticket-only affairs. I have no idea at the present time how much these tickets will be, but I do know that due to the small capacity of the venue, they will probably disappear quite quickly, so you'd be advised to buy early. On previous New Year bashes in the late Caberfeidh, the number of people wanting to get in usually far outweighed the numbers who actually succeeded. Applications for late licences have been submitted for the 18/19th, 24-26th December and 31st December - 2nd January 1999, although these are at present subject to confirmation. Should this not be the case, the usual opening hours will apply. Castro would not appear to have anything out of the ordinary arranged for these dates, although I would imagine that it would be pretty busy as well, so you'd be well advised to go out early and not float between the two venues, otherwise you may find yourself out in the cold.

So, that's it for this month, really. I hopefully will be able to spend a weekend in Aberdeen for a change, since the last few have been spent running up and down to Edinburgh, although that's another story. Anyone who happened to be in Edinburgh, Glasgow, Dunfermline, Dundee or Aberdeen on the 28/29th of November would perhaps have witnessed the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence doing the rounds. Shocking! Bloody men dressed up as nuns, I dunno, what is the world coming to...

So, if don't have the pleasure of seeing you beforehand, please do have a well-stuffed Christmas, a very drunken New Year, and I'll see you all in '99! Ciao for now.



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